Have you ever stressed about how to motivate your teen girl?
PARENT ENCOURAGEMENT: You can help your teen and it doesn’t have to be hard!
Would you believe me if I told you that most teenage girls are actually not lazy? I hear it from parents all of the time, what can I do to motivate my teen daughter? How can I get her out of bed, or help her find a job? What can I do to get her to clean her room? I think at one time or another, most parents worry about how to get their teen going.
The truth is it’s doesn’t have to be hard. Here is something I’ve learned over the last 20 plus years of working with girls. Many girls feel so disempowered by the time they reach their teenage years that they feel like almost all of their decisions are made for them. They don’t believe they have a say in what happens to them, good or bad. This is highly unmotivating. If as adults, we felt we had no control over our lives, wouldn’t we been unmotivated too?
As a coach, my suggestion to you is to help your daughter see that she does indeed have choice and power in her life.
STEP 1: A Starting Place
You are probably wondering, “How do I do that?” What I suggest is to first have them think about all the choices teens make in a given day that they have control over.
Things like choosing what you want to wear and choosing what you want to eat. Choosing who you sit by at lunch and who you want to talk to. Choosing how much you study for a test and how much they sleep. When girls see all the choices they do have, they begin to understand that they actually do have power in their lives.
Then, they start to realize that they are not victims. In fact, they have much more control than they think they did. Once they hit that spot, they are more willing to take a look at what else they can change.
Right there, you have helped to motivate your teen!
STEP 2: A Big Grand Goal
Next, I have them set a big grand goal. Something that is so exciting, and so out there that they feel like they it’s just beyond their reach. This helps them see they need to stretch a bit for it to happen. Especially, as “just a teenage girl.” For some of my clients it could be getting accepted to the college of their dreams or making friends with a particular group at school. Whatever it is, they get to set a big grand goal!
If they understand that they could help THEIR DREAM come true then you get a motivated teen!
As her parent, you can help her see it’s possible by breaking up her big grand goal into a plan of actionable steps. I like to describe actionable steps as small, baby steps that bring you just a bit closer to your big, grand goal. She can set weekly and daily actionable steps.
For example, if her big grand goal was to find a close group of friends, a weekly actionable step could be to choose one person to get to know every couple of weeks. She then breaks each goal into daily actionable steps, such as, ‘Choose the person you’d like get to know and talk to this person or smile at them every day.’
STEP 3: How She Can See Her Progress
An important step to help motivate your teen is to make sure she can “check off” her accomplishments at the end of the day. It will be encouraging for her to reflect on her day and think about the things that she did well. If she didn’t achieve her goal that day she can think of a different way to do it the next. If her goal was to say “hi” to one new person in two classes, and she did it, she can check that off her list.
A non-actionable goal is harder to check off. For example, if her goal is to be friendly, how will she know if she’s met that goal? To make it actionable, first she’ll need to define what being friendly looks like. Would it be smiling? Asking someone about a homework assignment? Complementing someone’s shoes or outfit?
Goal setting is much more important than people realize to have a motivated teen. Once girls realize that they can achieve goals that are important to them they are excited to make changes! Then you will see that excitement and motivation trickle down into other areas of their life.
If you are finding yourself saying, “I don’t know if I’m the best person for this right now.”, then having a coach can be a great option.
Girls will often open up easily to a coach and make progress right away.
Here’s an example of what can motivate your teen
Just last night, I was meeting with a girl who decided what her big, grand goal is. Then, we broke that goal down into 10 manageable weekly steps. Her job was to go home and write her weekly goal on her bathroom mirror in red lipstick. As she gets ready for school each morning, she will be face to face with what is important to her.
As she goes through her day, her actionable steps will be at the front of her mind. Then, when opportunities to achieve this goal pop-up, she is more likely to take advantage of them and succeed!
An important idea that I teach the girls that I work with is that whatever you focus on grows. When you focus on the things that are important to, you will more naturally reach your goals then if you would if you never made a plan to help yourself.
If your daughter is not a motivated teen, don’t worry! When she learns that she can have healthy power and control her ideas about being a victim can change. Once this idea becomes something she believes to be true, you are going to see some differences.
I know that parents want someone to walk alongside their teens too. Someone out of the family who is a fresh voice.
If you’d like to learn more about how how to help your daughter, watch my masterclass ASAP.
If you’d like someone outside of your family help motivate your teen, schedule a call soon!
Related article: How to Achieve Your Goals 1-Step at a Time